Title: The Mummy Theme Park
Author(s): Alvaro Passeri
Publisher: Production Film 82
Year: 2000
In this purported film, a descendent of Cleopatra seeking to reestablish the ancient Egyptian monarchy petitions the gods Ra and Osiris to cause an earthquake that opens up a huge ravine in the desert, exposing the lost tomb of a lost pharoah. Is that plot setup needlessly convoluted? I said don’t worry about it.
The tomb is opened by a horny sheik (accompanied by his catty and treacherous harem), and wouldn’t you know it, he’s unleashed the mummy’s curse. But that’s not all - while the curse is percolating off-screen, the sheik decides to turn the tomb complex into an amusement park and, sensibly, hires a random American nudie photographer to...come snap some pics? Seriously, don’t worry about it.
This is ultimate schlock from the onset of the 2000s dark ages. Wooden acting, gratuitous toplessness and production value that would make a high school drama teacher blush (whatever that means), The Mummy Theme Park was entertaining for about 70 minutes, and then I turned it off. I’ve recently learned that it’s ok to turn movies off before they’ve officially ended. I feel like an Amish boy on Rumspringa.